November 1st marked the official start of Cuffing Season. Now, we’ve all been there, I get it. Sometimes you just need a semi-serious relationship to bring to holiday dinners so your relatives stop asking questions about your love life every two seconds (no, this is definitely not coming from personal experience, psh). But jumping into a relationship so quickly could mean you don’t have the chance to really get to know that person well. Here are some red flags you should definitely be concerned about.
He only texts you after 11pm
“U up?” texts are all too real (and all too annoying). This is DEFINITELY a booty call. Someone you’re in a relationship with should want to have real conversations with you about life or the cosmos or what you had for breakfast–not sending you unsolicited dick pics when all you really want to do is go to sleep. On that note, never agree to something you don’t want to do. You’re not feeling up to sex that night? Say no–if he makes you feel guilty for it, tell him to kindly eff off.
You’ve never met his friends
This means you’re either a (dirty little) secret or he doesn’t want you crushing his #swag. A good boyfriend will be proud to show you off. He’d want the world to know what a bomb woman he has and how lucky he is to have you. If anything, he’d want you to meet his friends, hoping you’ll all get along and have fancy tea parties together (or whatever it is manly men do). Take it this way: if he doesn’t want you around his boys EVER, he basically doesn’t want you.
He only ever wants to hang out in one of two locations…
Your place, or his. Are you guys celebrities? Is the paparazzi following you? Will he spontaneously combust if he’s in sunlight? The answer to all of these questions is probably not. By only choosing to hang out in these spots, it’s like he’s keeping the two of you a secret (please refer back to the previous paragraph to learn why this is no bueno). In fact, never just let him make the plans. If he wants you to sit through all the Fast and Furious movies while you Netflix and chill at his place, he’ll have to compromise and watch at LEAST one Nicholas Sparks flick of yours. And maybe hold the tissue box, too.
He holds grudges like a 3-year-old
Specifically, a 3-year-old who was just told they couldn’t have another chocolate chip cookie. A grown-ass man should be able to pick his battles and bring up the things that bother him without throwing a tantrum. If there’s something seriously going on with either of you, bring it up maturely and talk about it calmly in person. No one should ever raise their voice (or hand) or resort to personal attacks in a discussion. If he freaks out on you because you ordered the wrong type of pizza–get out of there ASAP, honey. One, because all pizza is good pizza so he clearly has bad taste, but two, because this could foreshadow some serious emotional instability.
He compares you to other girls.
We’ve all got celebrity crushes (Chris Hemsworth *swoon*), but I’m not talking about Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, I’m talking about the girls in your school or at the bar. When he starts commenting on how hot another girl’s body is or how much funnier someone else can be, let him know that’s not okay or it hurts your feelings. This is his way of asserting his masculinity and his ladies’-man-ness. But you should never feel less than someone else for being exactly who you are. You snort when you laugh? So what. Don’t hate yourself for it and find a man who will think it’s adorable (yes, they exist!).
He has to get the 411 on EVERYTHING
And not because he’s so interested in your life. If he wants–or worse, demands–to read your texts, know who’s calling your phone, controls the people you hang out with, etc., he’s either a hired personal assistant (yes girl, go you), or this is a sign of emotional abuse. He’s trying to take over your life so he calls the shots while you’re on standby. It can be difficult to recognize this as mistreatment since it doesn’t involve visual cues (i.e. bruises), but emotional well-being and mental stability are just as important as your physical health. If he can’t respect your privacy, tell him #BoyBye.
Jokes aside, if you’re experiencing any kind of relationship abuse, please let someone know. A close friend or your school’s counseling center are great places to start. No one’s “love” should come at the price of your well-being.
by Amber Cannale