5 Other Non-Candidates Who Have a Chance at the Presidency

Hardcore Clinton and Trump fans aside, there are a lot of voting citizens who feel like they’ve been left out to dry this election. Whether it’s the Bernie Bros who just can’t join the Clinton camp or independents who prefer a president who’s informed about global issues (#WhatIsAleppo), there’s a good chance that these five other characters could end up getting an informal bid for the presidency and a (probably tiny) percentage of the vote today.


1. Bernie Sanders

The one we just can’t let go. Bernie’s following was dedicated to say the least and many felt betrayed when he suspended his campaign and backed Hillary in July. Millennials were some of Bernie’s biggest supporters (Sanders won more millennial votes than Trump and Clinton combined) and Hillary has had a hard time convincing them over to her side. Good ol’ Bernie has a pretty good chance of getting votes today, as he’s an official write-in candidate in California and some diehard supporters just can’t let America’s grandpa go. #FeelTheBern, America.

2. Stubbs the Cat

This 16-year old golden-furred Manx mix already has loads of political experience as mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, for his whole life. Mayor Stubbs could even be considered a war hero as he recently suffered 12 stitches, a punctured lung, and fractured sternum from a dog attack but continued to lead his burg with grace and strength. With the presidential election held today, the feisty feline can expect a large percentage of the vote from Talkeetna’s 876 loyal residents.

3. Michelle Obama

First African-American First Lady. Juris Doctor from Harvard Law School. Mom extraordinaire. White House fashionista to rival Jackie O. Although she has stated multiple times (and Mr. Obama has reiterated) that she would never run for office, Mrs. Obama would make an excellent Madame President. She’d probably obliterate childhood obesity, single-handedly restore peace to the Middle East, and guarantee that every adolescent girl in the world was in school (#LetGirlsLearn), all in the first week or two of her presidency. Expect to see her on the leader board tonight.

4. Harambe

Ah yes, the favorite meme of every college and high school student across the country. As much as the Cincinnati Zoo would like to forget the Harambe debacle of last May, the loving Western lowland gorilla thrives in the not-so-deep corners of your friend’s Facebook and other important movements for justice. Over 21,000 people signed a petition on Change.org to rename the Cincinnati Bengals to the Harambes. Pranksters hijacked a Chinese zoo’s public vote to name their baby gorilla “Harambe McHarambeface.” Whether he gets elected president or not, the majestic Harambe will forever live on in our coldhearted memes and calls for exposed male genitalia.

5. Beyoncé

Will the true leader of our nation please step forward? If Beyoncé was on the ballot, we probably wouldn’t even need to vote. While a select few of the country’s citizens haven’t recognized the icon that is Queen Bee, most of us have come to our senses and understand that Beyoncé would probably do more for this country than the last 44 presidents combined. Her Beyhive alone is big enough to carry the vote, so look out for Beyoncé Knowles-Carter at the top of the election results tonight.


Whether you’re pulling for Clinton, rallying for Trump, or lost somewhere in between, don’t forget to get out and VOTE today! Find your local polling station here.


by Naomi Duttweiler