Surprise! Girls Want Hookups and Guys Want Relationships

It’s 7am, you’re sneaking out of the frat house, and your short dress and the high heels dangling from your hand point to one thing. You are in for a cold and hopefully uneventful walk back to your dorm. You nervously wonder if he’ll call you later. In a survey of 41 students across the country, 71 percent agreed that females are as sexually active as males. So why all the worry about what is going to happen after a great hookup?

All of the survey participants acknowledged that hookup culture exists on college campuses. An anonymous freshman at Grand Canyon University defined hookup culture as “being able to express yourself sexually without the emotional attachment of a long-term relationship.” It sounds like a great deal, unless you’re a “relationship person” and prefer a consistent hook-up buddy. About 62 percent of those surveyed claim they are either “relationship people” or open to finding a relationship. Syracuse University sophomore Connor Burke says he would rather date because “hooking up isn’t as intimate and real as having a girlfriend.” Ditto, says Cole Childres, freshman at Northwestern University—“it’s nice to know you have someone there for you.” On the other hand, an anonymous female freshman at UC Santa Barbara says she isn’t looking for a relationship in college. “(College students) experience a lot of things and people and if you’re tied down to someone it could alter those experiences,” she says.

We all know the stereotype of ladies wanting relationships while guys just want a one-night stand. This often makes men believe they can’t show how they feel. Why the macho bravado? Childres thinks he has an answer: “Masculinity prevents (men) from expressing deeper emotion.” One anonymous Syracuse University sophomore agrees that men are “much more needy than people may think,” but they aren’t as comfortable expressing that feeling. Toxic masculinity has become a huge problem in modern society and culture. Films like American Male and GOAT convey a hypermasculine persona of being emotionless, strong, and loud.

A large proportion of the males surveyed believe that women want relationships more, either because females “get attached more and tend to be less aware of the boys’ intentions” or because “guys are a bunch of horny douchebags” who just want to have sex and be done with the person. Women, on the other hand, are exposed to a culture that uses slut shaming as a response to sexual expression. Girls are often criticized for acting openly sexual. An anonymous Syracuse University freshman guy thinks this is a double standard for women—“if they hook up with a lot of guys they are referred to as slutty, but if guys hook up with a lot of girls they are ‘cool.’”

The survey results about “ghosting” also indicate that expectations surrounding hookup culture may prevent open communication. One of the parties may believe that the other is interested in more and leave out of the situation. “Ghosting” is when a person you have been hooking up with basically drops off the face of the planet, no texts, calls, or explanations. Over 52 percent of the people surveyed have been ghosted, while 57 percent responded that they were the “ghoster” after a one-night stand. An anonymous female freshman from Piedmont Virginia Community College, who has herself ghosted before, gave a behind-the-scenes explanation: “It is not meant to be taken harshly, it just means you are over the person.” As expectations are often not discussed, “ghosting” becomes common on campuses.

Whether you like being in a relationship or being single, expressing yourself sexually is a great part of college. The most important thing to ask when hooking up with someone consistently is about their expectations for this “thing” you have. That way, you may end up being able to get breakfast with them instead of anxiously sneaking out of their place the morning after!


by Morgan Trau